Q. How many cancer patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it takes a support group to cheer him on, and there's a lot of grieving afterwards!

Q. What do you call a person who has a compulsion to get lymphoma over and over again?
A. A LYMPHOMANIAC!
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Real Doctor's Notes
1. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
6. Healthy-appearing decrepit, 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
7. The patient refused autopsy.
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
9. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
10. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.
11. She is numb from her toes down.
12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
13. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
14. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
15. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
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10 Signs You Joined a Cheap HMO
10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day."
5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little m's on them.
1. When you ask for Viagra, you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.
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Next Joke will be here !